Rethinking Modern Dating: Why Setting Standards Matters for Your Future

I once assumed that because I didn’t want biological children, dating would be simpler—without the pressure of time constraints related to starting a family.

However, I realized that this actually brings its own challenge—a quality issue in relationships. While popular culture often suggests that women may lower their standards in the pursuit of having biological children within a certain timeframe, I believe the opposite can also happen. You might find yourself not wanting children, but still lowering your standards and dating people who don’t align with the qualities you’d want in a long-term partner or someone you’d raise a family with.

If I were to have children and raise a family, I would want my partner to meet certain emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, and financial requirements that would make me feel safe and supported. But if child-rearing is not the goal, does that mean these requirements should be lowered?

My answer is no.

You deserve to feel safe, secure, and supported, regardless of whether or not biological children are part of the picture. You should never open your life to someone who does not make you feel safe, especially in vulnerable situations. For example, a partner who would be there to take you to the hospital at midnight or handle life’s challenges with you. If you wouldn’t want that kind of support during something as significant as raising children, why settle for less?

If you are neurodivergent, your list of needs may be even more specific. It’s important to write down those needs and make sure that the person you partner with can meet them.

Because you deserve it. As a neurodivergent person, relationships can be emotionally intense, and without reciprocity and support from your partner, it can become draining. Just like a tree needs water and nutrients to survive, relationships need mutual care to thrive.

My advice is simple: Never date for the sake of "fun" if that means compromising your standards and needs. Every relationship should be based on mutual respect, emotional safety, and the fulfillment of both partners’ needs.

Even if biological children are not part of the equation, there is always your inner child to consider, and you matter. Your needs are valid, and you deserve a partner who can meet them.