Challenging Respectability Politics: The Impact of Societal Expectations on Personal Freedom

I first encountered the concept from the late Ayesha K. Faines, the founder of Women Love Power, through one of her insightful video essays. In her discussion, she explored the meaning of respectability for women in our society, offering a perspective that resonated deeply with me.

She emphasized how women with personal power have chosen to live on their own terms, rejecting societal rules that seek to disempower, create insecurity, and promote approval-seeking behavior. These women live authentically, unbound by the expectations that often reduce them to being docile or easily controlled.

Reflecting on this, I realize how much I have conformed to society's standards of respectability. In my efforts to navigate the patriarchal, racist, and ableist systems around me, I went to extremes to counteract any biases — often at the cost of my own well-being. I sacrificed my body, mind, and soul to be seen as respectable.

How many ways are you adhering to the game of respectability and its rules?

What would it take to move away from the need for external validation, and instead, choose to live authentically, true to yourself?